Why relationships suck, and why i never want to be in one again. Feelings generally suck as well.

Ok so i have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was talking to red square about this a week or so ago, and she being quite wise, agreed with me that, relationships suck because of all the time invested in them and the seemingly ZERO return you get from them. Im sure we don't agree on the last part. But the part where its hard to continually invest so much of yourself and time into someone and not have it work out. I personally feel quite discouraged at the thought of any relationship with a girl any time soon, maybe even ever (i know thats ridiculous but its my blog ill say what i want) because they are stupid. I have been in 2 "serious" relationships. Yes im only 20, so say what you want about how at this age i dont know any better blah blah blah.... The point is im old enough to be able to decide how i feel, and weather or not i like something. Anyways as i was saying, In both those relationships I feel like i gave a lot... I invested my time, feelings, thoughts... hell i invested a lot of my life really in them, and for what? Some stupid "experience" i can learn from? If i take the apparent learnings from these relationships then i will take the fact that i cant trust what any girl ever says, despite how good her intentions are at the time, because in the end she has no idea what she wants. It's been 2 for 2 in that case for me. And you know, it's ok I understand not knowing what you wan't in life, being un-sure etc... I get that... I really do. What i don't get is why they didnt just end it when it was confusing or just tell me. DO NOT TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME or anything of the sort if you are not sure you mean it. I have never told anyone I loved them without meaning it 100000%. So if you do not feel the same WAY then let it be known, don't tell me you do and then decide later you dont, or at the time you did but within a few weeks allow it to change. I think i might be getting off point a little bit. Ok so anyways. It's just frustrating to spend so much time getting to know someone, and letting them get to know you, ALL of you. Then after learning and letting learn, to Love someone for what they are and what they aren't, and thinking they love you too (once again do not play the age card, im well aware of how old i am) and then having it litterally fall apart and mean pretty much nothing in the long run sucks. It's ridiculous, I feel like i gave all I had, and it wasn't enough, so why try again, the offer was out there, and it looked good, but when it comes down to it, they want to see what else is out there. So why should I keep putting myself out there? Should I hope that my stuff will eventually be good enough for one of the ones still looking for something better? Hmmmm no thanks. So from now on, I will only put out what i get in the first place, Im sick of being the one who gets the shaft, I can't take it. So im not saying its this way forever, but for now, i refuse to put my heart on the line again for a girl.


Moral of the story. I have become emotionally lazy; I don't want to invest myself in a relationship, because im tired of trying and failing.