I guess its ok to feel like your losing everything because it means you thought you had it all to begin with. Oh wait, that still sucks.

So once again, I find myself a bit down in the dumps. Which is unfortunate, because things were going really well for the space of 3ish days. I know there must be opposition in all things, but Dang.... can't sometimes something just go right and not have an equally or greater bad thing go wrong? Please? I am sometimes amazed how i can deal with being alive really. No im not crazy or suicidal, but im just saying. The crap i put myself through emotionally on a daily basis amazes me. Its like the think part of my brain says"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" to the emotion part thats saying "DONT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!" Every day is a battle like that. Not to mention there could be a million things going right in my life, but i will pick out the 1 crappy detail and focus on it until the point where i make myself sick over it. Who does that?! what the hell is my problem? I just want to be happy and stay happy... HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. Ive been praying quite a bit lately for help. But i don't think i want help if that makes sense? Because its been my experience that prayer will help, not neccisarily make it all better, but help. But something in me wont accept the help, and if i wont accept it then it cant help ya know? Does this make sense at all? Probablly not, thats what i get for eating 2 donuts and drinking an energy drink late at night for dinner. A late night emotional mess. I hate feelings. I guess that what i get for growing up without a dad... I look like a man, act like a man, smell like a man, play rugby like a man, and am a man, but have the emotions of a girl. Not cool. Everything is going to be ok... or maybe it wont? No one really knows.