Its cold

So i have to leave for work in about 20 minutes. I didn't go to sleep tonight, which ill probably regret later, but that's life. I don't really know what to blog about, but i just wanted to blog. Just get some thoughts out of my head. Things lately have been going pretty good. A few new friendships made, some spiritual experiences gained, and some heightened sense of worth and reason. As the days pass I want more and more to go on a mission. It's kind of a scary thought, leaving for 2 years, to a place where i know no one, and have to rely soley on my faith and convictions to be a reflector on the path to the light that is Jesus Christ, especially being so new to my faith. Thats an interesting concept, "new to my faith" I sometimes forget that life hasn't always had as much meaning as it does now, It almost feels like i have always been mormon, accept for the lack of certain knowledge which is slow coming, but coming none the less. As I was saying, its a scary thought, but at the same time its very intruiging... I want to be able to give people who lack purpose, or understanding of why they are here, the answers that they are searching for, and if they are not willing to accept them, at least some spiritual food for thought. I want to bring a joy into peoples life that will fill them from their toes to the top of their head, a kind of joy that is everlasting, the kind that i now know. Its been a crazy 7 months, tell me back then that i would soon be mormon, and planning to serve a mission 8 months ago, and i probablly would have punched you... Or just laughed in your face (I know shame on me)... but yet some how, some way I am here. Being a convert i get asked a lot "so why did you join the church?" and I give different answers at different times because there is more than just one reason. It is hard though, because there are a lot of reasons that can be described in words, but the real reason for my joining can only be felt... Its that tingling of affirmation that this is the right choice, its the feeling of completion that I have never really felt before... Its a knowledge and sense of peace that absolutely can not be explained in words. It just can't, beleive me, I have tried. Maybe its better that way, the best feelings in life can't be explained in words, because FEELINGS is what they are... Im not saying everything is perfect now, in fact, some things in life have become harder and some things have happend that quite frankly, really suck. My newly aquired faith is not the answer to all of lifes problems... for me its a means to understand them, and put them in perspective, and a plan to get me to where i need, and now WANT to be. There are still days that are dark, but the ones that are light are far more frequent. Anyways, i have more to say but have to go to work.

TO BE CONTINUED....