Im scared.

Sometimes i will take just a moment, and think about something. I don't plan it but I will be sitting and all of a sudden i just get a weird feeling and think. This occurred today at church as i was sitting during passing time. I didn't like the thought that i had. I was reflecting, and all of a sudden, I found myself wondering "who the hell am I?" And for a moment i didn't know... I mean 9 months ago i was a completely different person than I am now. New faith, new friends... new life. NEW EVERYTHING. Everything for the past 9 months has been going well, bumps in the road for sure, but overall a good sense of direction and purpose in life. And today i lost everything for a second, its like I'm standing outside looking at myself wondering where I went, and wondering who this person was. It was so surreal, It was like i was sitting in the passenger seat of life watching someone else at the wheel of mine. Ever since i can remember i have been afraid of change, I still am in a lot of ways. I can't make decisions on anything of significance, or even stupid decisions, because im afraid to shut the door on anything else that might come, which let me tell you has muffed a lot of opprotunity in my 20 years of existance. I guess everything has been happening so fast I havn't had time to be scared, and I've just run with it. Today it all came down so hard and so fast that it caught me completley off gaurd. I am scared of who I was, and not even realizing the fact that I am who I've become. But Most of all I'm afraid i might just be happy where I end up, but not letting myself get there... I also hate the fact that I feel like i have no one to turn to accept this stupid blog. DAMN YOU BLOG. poop